Subject to Change

I had to fill our water jugs tonight. That’s twenty gallons and a whole lot of standing around. Naturally, I allowed my mind to wander. I was thinking about a potentially humorous blog post when an even better one hit me in the face, almost literally. As I was gazing aimlessly across the aisle, two black ladies and a horde of kids wandered into view, followed by a black man in a wheel chair. That, in retrospect, is maybe the start of a mildly amusing off-color joke, but it’s not where I’m going with this.

One of the women, obviously the feisty one in this relationship, saw me looking at her. Actually, I was gazing right through her, but I’m pretty sure I’d never be able to convince her of that. They kept walking, and she shouted back at me “What the hell you staring at? Yeah, you know you wrong.”

The “you know you wrong” part must’ve been because I did look back to my water jug when I realized that I was daydreaming. I thought to myself, “lady, I was staring at the soup until you blocked my view. I thought you might be more interesting to look at, but I guess I was wrong.”

I’m probably lucky that I didn’t think of that too quickly, or I might have said it. That woman probably would’ve hauled off on me with that bicycle bitch-slap move, the one Jerry Springer made famous. I might have had to take her and her friend down. Her attitude got me so annoyed, I just might have been able to do it. I’m pretty sure I could’ve dumped the dude in his wheel chair flat on his ass, too. Then maybe I’d eat his liver, just to show them all I’m the craziest son-of-a-bitch around. Yeah…

People who go around looking for a fight really piss me off.