If Fish Can Fight Terrorism, Why Can't Russ Feingold?

A new weapon in the war on terror has gills and tastes great with a little butter.

The bluegill is a freshwater fish of many talents, able to elude predators by hiding in submerged tree stumps and to survive for weeks without food.

Now, with the help of a scientific contraption developed by the U.S. Army and a private company, the fish also is keeping vigil over the Washington region's water supplies, where it might be able to save millions of lives in the event of a terrorist attack.

Imagine getting an email from a fish, telling you that there's a potential terrorist attack in progress:

If the fish show signs of distress in response to something in the water, the system automatically trips an alarm, takes samples, and summons authorities by e-mail and pager so that they can investigate whether there is a threat to humans.

Are you horrified that fish are being used in this manner? Don't worry. I'm sure we can count on Wisconsin's junior senator to stand up for fish rights, in an attempt to disarm this country further.

Can you see Russ leading the charge against wire-tapping fish? Sadly, he might be crazy enough to do it.

P.S. Al-Qaeda may already be recruiting muskellunge to deal with this new counter-measure.