Saving Milwaukee from Itself
Jenna thinks I've lost my way on politics. So, I'm going to prove that I've still got it by lampooning an issue that's already a few weeks old. I know what you're thinking: "Aaron, that'll prove that you're less with it than ever."
But, you're wrong. Because this is an issue that will haunt Milwaukee forever, even when it's not grabbing headlines. The issue is light rail, or rail transit, electric busses, or whatever the rail du jour is.
There's only one way the tax payers are going to win this, and I've figured it out. It's pure genius, observe:
First, accept the fact that the people who run this city have a hard-on for trains. They will never let this idea die. Milwaukee is destined to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on a rail system and there's not a darn thing you can do about it.
Knowing that we will never be able to escape this horrible idea, we taxpayers need to shift tactics. Trying to prevent the city from burning money is a futile waste of time. We need to figure out how to get them to spend it less stupidly, while at the same time trying to convince them that they are being perfectly stupid as usual.
The idea: convince the city to build a rail road; an HO scale model rail road, all the way out to Waukesha! It will be easy to convince the city of Milwaukee that spending $300 million on a model rail road is a good idea, because it sounds so classically stupid. It's an idea worthy of Milwaukee's finest elected minds. I can't believe that I even need to suggest it for them.
Why build a model rail road? Why not? Almost as many people will ride it. But, the $300 million model rail road will bring tourism to the city. Who doesn't like toy trains? This thing should pay for itself in no time!
Thank me later, Milwaukee.
But, you're wrong. Because this is an issue that will haunt Milwaukee forever, even when it's not grabbing headlines. The issue is light rail, or rail transit, electric busses, or whatever the rail du jour is.
There's only one way the tax payers are going to win this, and I've figured it out. It's pure genius, observe:
First, accept the fact that the people who run this city have a hard-on for trains. They will never let this idea die. Milwaukee is destined to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on a rail system and there's not a darn thing you can do about it.
Knowing that we will never be able to escape this horrible idea, we taxpayers need to shift tactics. Trying to prevent the city from burning money is a futile waste of time. We need to figure out how to get them to spend it less stupidly, while at the same time trying to convince them that they are being perfectly stupid as usual.
The idea: convince the city to build a rail road; an HO scale model rail road, all the way out to Waukesha! It will be easy to convince the city of Milwaukee that spending $300 million on a model rail road is a good idea, because it sounds so classically stupid. It's an idea worthy of Milwaukee's finest elected minds. I can't believe that I even need to suggest it for them.
Why build a model rail road? Why not? Almost as many people will ride it. But, the $300 million model rail road will bring tourism to the city. Who doesn't like toy trains? This thing should pay for itself in no time!
Thank me later, Milwaukee.
3 Amendments:
Now THIS is the kind of forward thiking we have come to expect from you.
I'd cross post this at the BBA.
Brilliant!
I'll thank you now, you genius.
The best idea for Milwaukee since the Bridge to Nowhere!
Lloyd, Once-from-Milwaukee
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